Thursday, July 11, 2013

Physical Paralysis aka 'The Grey'

Physical Paralysis aka 'The Grey' 

I began experiencing the ‘grey’ while living in Ireland at the age of sixteen. It’s that place where I’m not asleep and not awake, but somewhere in between. For me, the grey occurs at random intervals of about eight times a year. When in the grey, my body becomes frozen, to the point where I can only blink or move my eyeballs. Even if I can muster the strength to open my mouth slightly, my voice is nonexistent. Any initiation of physical movement on my part is met by great opposition – it's as if my body is stuck in cement, or held firmly still by oppressive forces that like to watch.

In the past, the grey has often been accompanied by the visit of one or more beings. The experiences are often stressful, as they are conducted against my will. The grey comes as I am drifting from wakefulness to sleep, that’s why I call it the ‘grey’- because I’m not awake; (white), and not asleep; (black), but rather locked within the grey which lies in between. The grey starts as vibration, akin to a humming sensation that starts in my feet and works its way to the top of my head. For years I have tried to figure out what actual force paralyzes my body- I realize now that it’s the humming that has the power to do so. It slowly washes over me, locking me into its grip as it goes, and I am left like an ant stuck in thick molasses. I have learned that I can successfully disband the hum if I catch it at the very beginning, when it starts to slip its way into me, but sometimes its too late. When I do catch it early enough, I can overturn the humming that paralyzes with my sheer will, and upon doing so, can eventually slip back into a normal sleep- untouched by the grey.

My ‘training’ of grey visits over the years has awarded me the ability to stay present and recall afterwards, all that has been exchanged. In the past- it would suck me under like a huge wave, forcing me to swallow its waters. I would resurface shaking, anxious and paranoid that my visitors were still watching me. Who they were exactly, I do not know. During grey visits, they fling and float my body ruthlessly around my bedroom against my will. It seems the most terrifying experiences I have had with the grey occurred over the years of my early twenties when I was living in Ireland.

One evening I had gotten into bed at around 2am and just as my body relaxed I felt the grey’s hum arrive. At this time, I did not know that I could ward it off at the beginning of its visit- I would lay still and let the energy have its way with me, a vulnerable and cowardly victim I was. Once it had set its teeth in- and I realized I was under its control- then I would attempt to foolishly free myself from its unbending grip- with zero victory. 

On this grey visit, I soon felt the presence of many beings surrounding my bed, I heard their footsteps on the floor but unable to turn my head- and barley able to move my eyes, I could not validate the beings' company by sight in the darkness of my room. It felt that they stood a mere two to three feet in height. I could hear the squelchy sounds of their body’s limbs as they shifted around me, repositioning themselves as I lay helpless in my bed. I was in high fight or flight mode, and could feel my adrenals on overdrive- but I was paralyzed and my energy turned to amplified panic and then to absolute terror as they began to quickly and sloppily levitate my body upwards. I tried to turn my head to the side as my torso collided with the ceiling. I could literally feel the small pebbles of 'ceiling-spackle' sprinkle over my face as I desperately tried to close my eyes to avoid their fall. Next- the visitors lowered my body down and began spinning me around in a circle. At first they spun me slowly. I used this time to try and loosen the reigns of this invisible force. It was as if someone was holding my feet together in the middle of the room and swinging me around. As they spun me around, I remember thinking - ‘There’s my bookshelf, window, closet, poster of Jimi Hendrix, me in my bed- and my bedroom door. 

I attempted to reach my arm out to grip my bookshelf as it passed my sight repetitively. But my physical strength was no match for this supernatural presence. I became exhausted with attempting to move my arm and gave up all desire to fight against it- at that point I was dropped down into my physical body and bed. I landed with what felt like a ‘thump’- like I was dropped from several feet above. Next I remember a very long filmy and silvery arm reaching across my body, followed by a choir of small feet scuffling. I soon came back into my body and did not go back to sleep that night. I went downstairs, turned all the lights on and sat wide-eyed in a freakishly paranoid state all night.

Twenty-five years on, I sense when the grey is coming from a dark, or hungry realm and stop it at will. When the grey visits from the light realms, I can choose to surrender and engage with it, then we fly- beyond this dimension- she carries me and I trust her. Thank You- the teacher of the grey. Hum


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